Last year, I wrote this post about relationships and how we define them in the modern world. This year, I've been thinking about how we might regain friendships, and kindle new relationships, via social media.
A friend was recently contacted by his ex-girlfriend; they broke up almost two years ago. Although he'd emailed her several times about some of the things she left at his house, she'd not responded until a couple of days ago. But it wasn't via email: it was via Facebook friend request.
He was understandably confused. Why now? Why this way? Without knowing why, I knew the answer: because that's the way we get back in touch with people who have left our lives.
It's happened to me several times with people of my past. We'll make a conscious or subconscious choice not to talk for a while, and then out of the blue one day he posts something on my Facebook wall, or comments on my blog. Without addressing him directly, I'll comment back. He'll probably respond. Eventually, one of us will send a message or email to the other, still under the pretense of the blog or Facebook posting subject, but that's really all it takes. Now we're talking again.
I laid this pattern out for my friend, and sure enough, soon after she sent her friend request (and he accepted it), she posted a video on his Facebook wall. He responded with another video, a conversation ensued, and very soon after that she commented on another of his Facebook statuses, this time suggesting that he visit her. He just told me that he's "upping the stakes" by "Liking" her current Facebook status.
It's the same pattern that emerges when we start liking someone new, but don't want to be too forward: we inch into their social media world, make ourselves more known over time, and eventually try to jump the gap into IRL conversations. It's an obvious pattern, but it still works.
Who knows if my friend will visit his ex. Who knows if they will maintain any sort of friendship outside of Facebook or relegate everything to walls and statuses and comments. But my prediction of the evolution of this development is significant, I think, and showed that real patterns of relationship development emerge online. The question is that will these patterns lead to more, significant, offline connection? Or will they simply lead to more excuses to stay inside on Facebook on beautiful days?
Think about how you might have stayed in touch with old flames (or new flames) over the years, if that's your style. Do you think that coming up with patterns like this (and following them) could help us strengthen or rekindle friendships and relationships, or might we just be deepening our dependence on social media and the internet to keep track of our relationships for us?
